Divorce can be an emotionally charged and stressful experience, but it doesn’t have to be a battlefield. Finding ways to keep proceedings calm and civil is crucial for the well-being of all parties involved, especially if children are part of the equation.
Prioritise Open Communication
One of the fundamental ways to keep divorce proceedings calm is to maintain open, honest, and respectful communication with your soon-to-be ex-spouse. While emotions may run high, making an effort to communicate clearly and calmly can prevent misunderstandings and reduce conflict.
Consider setting ground rules for communication, such as agreeing to discuss matters at scheduled times rather than engaging in spontaneous, potentially heated exchanges. When discussing sensitive topics, try to use “I” statements to express your feelings without placing blame, for example, “I feel concerned about…” rather than “You always…”.
If face-to-face communication proves too difficult, consider using written forms of communication like email or mediated discussions. This can provide a buffer and allow both parties time to reflect before responding.
Seek Professional Mediation
Mediation can be an invaluable tool in keeping divorce proceedings calm and constructive. Many couples are now required to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) before proceeding to court unless exemptions apply.
A trained mediator acts as a neutral third party, helping couples navigate discussions about property division, financial arrangements, and child custody. They can facilitate productive conversations, ensure both parties are heard, and help find mutually acceptable solutions.
The Family Mediation Council provides a search tool to find accredited mediators in your area. Remember, successful mediation often results in faster, less expensive, and less stressful divorces compared to lengthy court battles.
Focus on the Future, Not the Past
While it’s natural to dwell on past hurts or grievances during a divorce, focusing on the future can help maintain a calmer atmosphere. Instead of rehashing old arguments, try to channel your energy into creating a positive future for yourself and your children, if you have any.
Set clear, achievable goals for your post-divorce life. This might include personal development objectives, career aspirations, or plans for co-parenting. By keeping your eyes on the future, you’re more likely to approach divorce proceedings with a problem-solving mindset rather than a combative one.
Keep Children’s Interests at the Forefront
If you have children, keeping their best interests at heart can help maintain perspective and calm during divorce proceedings. Remember that despite the end of your marriage, you will continue to be co-parents.
Try to shield children from adult conflicts and avoid using them as messengers or pawns in divorce negotiations. Instead, work together to create a stable and supportive environment for them during this transition.
Consider creating a parenting plan that outlines how you’ll handle childcare responsibilities, communication about the children, and decision-making on important matters. The UK government provides a template for parenting plans that can serve as a helpful starting point.
Be Willing to Compromise
Approaching divorce with a willingness to compromise can significantly reduce tension and conflict. While it’s important to advocate for your needs, being overly rigid or demanding can lead to prolonged, costly, and stressful proceedings.
Try to identify your priorities and be prepared to make concessions on less crucial matters. Remember, a “fair” division doesn’t always mean a 50/50 split of everything. Sometimes, creative solutions that address both parties’ needs can lead to more satisfactory outcomes.
Find Legal Aid Solicitors You Can Count On
Navigating the legal aspects of divorce can be complex, and having trustworthy legal representation is crucial for keeping proceedings calm and fair. In the UK, legal aid is available for some divorce cases, particularly those involving domestic abuse or child abduction.
Look for someone who aligns with your approach to divorce. Some solicitors specialise in collaborative law or mediation, which can be helpful if you’re aiming for an amicable divorce.
Good legal aid solicitors will not only provide expert advice on your rights and obligations but also help you understand the divorce process, set realistic expectations, and explore alternatives to court proceedings where appropriate. They can act as a buffer in communications with your ex-spouse’s legal team, helping to keep interactions professional and focused on resolution rather than conflict.
Remember, while your solicitor is there to advocate for your interests, they should also be committed to finding fair solutions and avoiding unnecessary escalation of conflicts. Don’t hesitate to discuss your desire for a calm divorce process with potential solicitors before engaging their services.
Take Time for Decision-Making
Rushing through divorce proceedings can lead to rash decisions and heightened emotions. Where possible, allow yourself time to carefully consider important decisions. This can help you avoid making choices based on temporary feelings of anger or hurt.
If you’re feeling pressured or overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to ask for a break or postpone discussions. Taking a step back can provide valuable perspective and help you approach negotiations with a calmer mindset.
Maintain Privacy
It can be tempting to share details of your divorce online. However, maintaining privacy can help keep proceedings calmer and protect you legally. Avoid discussing your divorce on social media platforms or in public forums.
Be cautious about who you confide in, as well. While it’s important to have a support system, sharing too many details with mutual friends or family members can complicate relationships and potentially escalate conflicts.
Practice Self-Care
Maintaining your own emotional and physical well-being is crucial during divorce proceedings. Stress can exacerbate conflicts, so prioritising self-care can help you stay calm and composed.
Consider incorporating stress-reduction techniques into your daily routine, such as mindfulness meditation, yoga, or regular exercise. The NHS provides resources on stress management that you might find helpful.
Don’t hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or a professional counsellor. Organisations like Relate offer relationship counselling and support services that can be beneficial during this challenging time. Remember that there is a light at the end of this tunnel and that you both have a bright future even if it’s not together.